How To Have A Friendly Divorce

So the marriage doesn't work out. But what about the kids? Okay -- so despite our best intentions, the marriage doesn't always work out. People change, fall out of love, decide to live differently either alone or with a new partner. Is there a 'best divorce' ? Well, the divorce that seems least painful for all concerned is likely to be an end to the marriage from which both partners emerge with little to no rancour or malice. You've heard the surprisingly sane explanations: "We grew apart. It wasn't anyone's fault. Neither of us felt as happy in the marriage as we wanted to.

The separation was a mutual decision."

Sometimes two people are 'in love with love.' After the fairy tale wedding and tinselled honeymoon, reality sinks in. Perhaps one partner begins to feel penned in, as if a committed relationship for life may not encourage the type of personal growth the individual craves. Or the other partner realizes she married 'on the rebound', and the decision to tie the knot with her 'second choice' husband was simply premature.

Though some women believe they 'settle' for a great deal less in a partner than had always been hoped for, this might not always be a conscious realization. But then she suddenly feels that life owes her more than she bargained for. She begins to convince herself that she can 'do a lot better' in the mate-selection department.

A brutal lesson in human nature occurs when we realize how two people who once believed they were head-over-heels in love can be transformed into Worst Enemies during the throes of the divorce process. Though two vicious, vindictive people ending an ill-fated marriage is bad enough in itself, it's even worse when children are involved. Because children get caught in the parental crossfire.

Divorce can be civil if not amicable. Few of us hear of a truly 'friendly divorce.' But He, She, and Kids all fare a lot better when the couple involved in the divorce behave as rational, mature adults.

A short list of cardinal rules to be observed by Mom and Dad will improve everyone's adjustment to a reconfigured life. (1) Tell your children about the divorce together. (2) Assure them that neither of you will ever stop loving them. (3) Answer any questions they may ask. Yes, life will be different, but it won't be wo